unrequited love?

I only speak about you in hushed tones. I liked keeping you a secret because it helped to remind me of the feelings I feel for you. I let you loose and now all I can think about is your pale skin and the Zimbabwe-esque things you'd do. It's the worst palpable pain I can think of--to reminisce.

I think my problem is that I love too deeply. I love too fully. I miss you. Is it wrong to still desire what your mind has to offer me still? You still hypnotize me with your words. You can manipulate this situation. Because I'll let you. I've always thought that love was just a game fools played with during their empty time. I don't have much time but I want to spend it with you, only with you. Live for me again. I need to be adored and to be lulled into that familiar sense of contentment you give me. Make me yours once more, before all is lost and nothing is left to rekindle. Please don't douse this flame. Burn again.


I used to be afraid,
but now I crave the quiet
Together we are both alone,
but I don’t mind
I’ll dream of something--
to try and make us all right

heat wave

i am a sticky bun

f was i thinking?

I spent 500 dollars in 1 month.

I am seriously broke.

I want to blame Bush.
ugh. stupid economy.

the quiet before the storm

reunited--and it feels so good!

new moves, new grooves but old feelings.
welcome back, best friend!

paro is baaaaaaaaaaack

empty time & the sublime

I don't like wasting me time--it's costly and tedious to recover.
Give me your everything and I'll let go.

*different thoughts all together

I WANNA BE LOVED. I WANNA BE ADORED. I WANNA MAKE SOMEONE CRAZY OVER ME.

where the gentlemen at?
send your résumés

iAnguish

Damn, son. I is SO sad.
I was readying myself for some soothing pre-slumber sleepy playlists on my nano [3G] only to find that all of my songs (and artwork) are GONE. GONE. GONE. I was cursing and thrusting(flailing?) my arms in the air my mouth agape in a perfect 'O' of rage/sorrow. All of my wonderous songs were taken away from me.

I know muchachos, que triste. Pero amira, there's a catch. Mande?, you ask? After 5 hours of working on the ipod (over the course of 2 gruelling days filled with tummy aches, fainting spells and sickkkkkage) all the songs come back. ALL. ALL. ALL. But I already replaced most of them again...So now I have ugly duplicates that I must eradicate from Pistachio.

DAMN YOU T-PAIN!

commencement of the culmination

" I've known you like a siren song that warns
I've been informed you could be the death of me "
(thanks n. atkins)

the day starts anew (like it always has), but today is especially special to me. the process of reaching new realizations is a prickly, long-winded one. it takes time, patience, and a level of understanding--things i have very little or nothing at all of. waking dreams are my way of sorting out things trapped beneath my subconscious thinking.

i awoke to the sounds of an ambulance siren blaring.

dreams are dreams but their scary realism spooks me. their messages arguably valid--but they speak to me. am i going to let myself devolve into a bitter monster? the garish truth is hitting me over the head but i refuse to acknowledge its existence. the fruits of my labor are rotten and smell of mold and decay. unspoken words are left to wonder aimlessly in the confinements of my mind. this tension is so heavy--this clouded judgment thick enough to cut with any fine blade.

fuck you, friend.

a brighter discontent

Even if there are dark clouds looming over this 18th horizon--the sun is on rebound.

This salty sea will not swallow me!

Shakespeare hates my poems

In this fast-paced world, nothing waits for you.


.
.
.

The power- of my youth explodes
when the abandoned roar- sounds.
Methinks the scandal- might erode,
after I thrash your freshness,
and smear-the icing 'round.

When the orients talk- in hushed tones
and- the monks use the third,
a chantin'- groan and drone.
You seek the image- of a friend
a furlong away- at most.

One- Three Three- Seven,
one- to be revered,
nothing left to be- desired.
Pondering retort- for dopema-ma
yet again- aspire.

When a man- saunters- on his nubbins,
your whinges faint- il-legit.
You skimp him once- twice.
Though- 'our wages left finite.

Kohl- to cross the luggag-es,
petty cash for 'our 'troubles'.
Zeros and ones in a crypt-ic code,
make a three-point turn.
The power- of my youth explodes.

are you my babydaddy??

A quirky, light-hearted dramedy...

No, that is not an allusion to the movie Juno. The title which I so affectionately chose is [loosely] based on the true story of a day in the life. Lately, through the nightly(more like 3-4 times a week) calls I've been having, I've come to the slow realization that many problems have been coalescing into one big stanky mess. It all had to implode at the same approximate time. Truly tragic in every context of the word. The house of cards has met a strong pale of wind and has tumbled floated down to the horizon.

And yet I muse, 5 more weeks until the release from this prison of the mind! Soon, the songbirds of yesteryesteryesteryear will rejoice my return. Then gloom and doom, reality hits me full force--my doe eyes come to the realization that I've unfinished business to attend to. I've loose ends that need snipping. I don't mean to gripe about the current status of his and my relationship (I can see that it too is getting to be as old and as tired as I feel) but it is like diarrhea of the mouth!

I always try to avoid my melodramatic tendencies, yet it's always this damned annoying sore that I return my thoughts to. In retrospect, I was acting rash. I was acting impulsively. But I was angry as hell as well. Hell hath no fury like a woman scored. Albeit without romantic undertone. I succumbed to the urge to make that infamous voice message. I would not change a thing; not a word, not a staggered breath, not a lonesome salty tear.

I was trying to force his hand into telling me why he was treating me so unfairly. I pride myself on being an exceptional friend and it pains me when someone is not returning the favor. It is doubly insulting when you feel that you've been lied to and the truth circumvented under your nose on tip-toe. It not only speaks of how lowly they must think of your thought processes but how they perceive your friendship as well. As a throw-away, fair-weather animal you've both fooled yourselves into believing was not rabid and not in need of putting down.

Still I muse again, it is not too late to refasten these ties and rebuild this house of cards anew.